JONATHAN: ‘S JOURNALS SESSION #19 ON AUGUST 19. 1987 WITH
ROBERT: , JOHN AND JONATHAN BACK IN LOS ANGELES
JONATHAN: Hello Robert!
ROBERT: Good Evening, Jonathan!
JONATHAN: I see that we are back in the city again.
ROBERT: Oh! Yah! Due to the wonderful air and adaptable concrete! (Sarcastically)
JONATHAN: I am glad that you have to breathe it, not me.
ROBERT: Yeah! That is the way it is!
RINGING OF TELEPHONE: well, we will just let it ring, wild! Man!
JONATHAN: It must be one Of your romantic flings!
ROBERT: John would like to know, in meditation he saw three cameos, one of a little girl, one pf a woman abut twenty and one of an older woman. And he would like to know what it means.
JONATHAN: Give me a moment! These women are elements of yourself; they are representing past lives Of yourself. Let us take them one at a time! The little girl represents a past life in which you have lived that life as a child in a town in Germany and she is representing the part of your life that to ascertain whether you should develop along the line of being a child. Being, shall we say, lighten up a bit more, trying to enjoy yourself a little bit more, letting go, trying to enjoy yourself a little bit more, letting go, trying to be one with oneself, trying to be close to nature, trying to let us say expound on the, shall we say, the feminine side or the feminine energy of oneself. The woman, the young woman represents another past life of oneself. This has to do with the Dutch connection. In which you were evolved in an educational pursuit of explaining one’s intellect and expanding the one’s essences and trying to seek the truth. What this represents what you have to seek out yourself. Go into yourself more or try to follow the paths to oneself. Try to examine oneself, try to deal with oneself. Try to be with one with oneself. Try to examine and reexamine oneself, find the proper pathways to be in touch with oneself. Now the third woman represents another past life, an elderly woman who did service to you in Spain or part of the service to you in Spain. In other words what this woman represents is the lifetime of an individual who knew you well and served you well and was like a mother, more than a mother but more like a grandmother who helped you survive during a period of time where there was turmoil and war. And this woman hid you among the bushes and tried to protect you from the elements were developing because of war and injury. So, what does this woman represent? This woman represents the healing part of you! And this is an area that you like to develop more. Go to yourself and develop those parts of you that need healing, and you have several parts right now that need healing. So, you must try to let us say, generate al the dream energy within the system so thy can heal the body as well as heal the soul. You must generate this energy throughout the system that heals this process. And all three women are with you and as you try to put yourself together, all your elements, all your past lives will be coming together will be coming one, one with oneself and this is a sign that this process is starting. This is a good sign, this is a sign that you are developing in the right
JONATHAN: ‘S JOURNALS SESSION #19 ON AUGUST 19. 1987 WITH
ROBERT: , JOHN AND JONATHAN BACK IN LOS ANGELES direction. So, you must put yourself together and slowly assimilate all these lives into one because you are one, you are not disjointed as you have been in the past, and you must show the signs of process in this area.
ROBERT: John says that he is getting more and more dissatisfied and felt quite bored with the meeting with the Executive Director for the AIDS Program and wants to know what this means.
JONATHAN: What’s happening here as you try to spiritualize yourself, you are dealing with more with, let us say, developing spiritual assets or spiritual access of your life, the other aspects are going to the diminishment of the former areas of, let us say, potentially unsuitable to you. What is happening is that you are seeing a diminishment more than developing the spiritual aspects or spiritual access, your intellect is getting more involved in those area of holding back. You say to yourself that the intellect does not mean to be in charge anymore. What is happening is that your body is changing and your soul is changing, and things are getting more and more. And you are going to see that you are going to be disjointed with the former occupation, and this is a sign that this is happening and what we are saying here is that your whole essences are changing, your whole vibration is changing as you get more and more together, there you will see that your work is going to change. And this is a sign that we are making progress in this area. I don’t want you to be frightened by the lack of work but that will not happen. You will have your work. Let us say to sustain you and though the scope of this work will change the talents that you have accumulated over the years may be quite helpful. And let us say, let’s say, the word that I am trying to think Of, as far as ascertaining that whether not the one that has potential income or not, but what we are saying here that your work will be more valuable and he work that you have the more spiritual and more valuable that you will be able to have and the spiritual work is going to grow more and more in importance, and the other work will diminish as time goes on.
ROBERT: John said that he sent his resume’ to a potential employer and John wants to know if this was a wise choice.
JONATHAN: Give me a moment! The potential employer will not hire you! But I think that you were a little worried about your financial situation and you thought that this was an outlet. You’re losing shall we say a little faith in us. And I realize that this is a different situation and the energies have not meshed the way that they should have and I realize thatyou are getting worried and I just want you to be able to tell yourself not to worry and not to generate negative energy and I realize that you have bills to pay and are not going to pay your bills and let me say this that we are aware of the situation and we are trying to remedy the situation as well as we can and we hope to end the situation very shortly. I would say be a little bit more patient with us. And I realize that this is difficult, and I wish I could expediate this in any manner that I could, but I think right now we are, let us say, involved in the process and the process is developing and I think that you shall see some resolution to this very shortly. But in the meantime, try not to worry and try not to generate negative energy in this area and in
JONATHAN: ‘S JOURNALS SESSION ON AUGUST 19. 1987 WITH
ROBERT: , JOHN AND JONATHAN BACK IN LOS ANGELES fact you shouldn’t generate negative energy in any area, especially in this area and what we are saying here is just be a little more patient and things will work out.
ROBERT: What a test!
JONATHAN: Always a test! That is how you achieve is by having tribulation!
ROBERT: John wants to know in the same vein if you should call a Joe Lopez and do his books and taxes.
JONATHAN: Give me a moment! That may not be necessary but as I have said before if you feel a little more comfortable in doing so you can and I realize this was given to you by a friend of yours and it may be let us say a part-time situation anyway, and so if you need to keep busy and might generate some income for you, fine you can go ahead and do it but as I told you before in the last area, let us say that we are taking care of the situation and you will be quite surprised at the resolution of this situation because it would be quite beneficial for you and may not really have the inclination to be occupied in this manner but let us say that if you need that security you might want to do it for a while. I am not one to discourage one’s achievements in this area, but I really think that is sort of a waste of time but if you feel more comfortable, I would say go ahead and do it. But as I have told you before in the last area that we are, let us say, we are taking care of the situation, and you will be quite surprised at the resolution because it will be quite beneficial for you, and you may not really have the inclination to be occupied in this manner. But, let us say, if you need that security, you might want to do it for awhile and I am one to discourage one’s achievements and efforts in this area. But I think it is sort of a waste of time. But if you feel more comfortable, I would say go ahead and do it! And try to keep yourself busy and get your mind occupied and then when the time is right and when things start to happen, everything will be settled, and it would be quite good for you!
ROBERT: Do you want more to drink!
JONATHAN: Yes, please!
ROBERT: Would water be 0K! Water from the springs where we were at!
JONATHAN: John drank all my tea!
ROBERT: HA! That was great! I could make you a separate cup!
ROBERT: Well, when we were leaving the creek area and on the way back to the car, we met a bull and calf and cow, I was wondering if there was some symbolic meaning to that!
JONATHAN: 0K! Is that the question?
ROBERT: Yah!
JONATHAN: Give me a moment! The symbolism, I mean the situation is involving but the symbolism represents several factors, let us say, the cow represents your urges, your frustrations, let us say, your battle between your boyish image and your manly image! Let us say, with your confrontation with your career, the cow represents, let us go back to the bull, we don’t want the cow yet! The bull represents the situation that you are in. How you are “3
JONATHAN: ‘S JOURNALS SESSION #19 ON AUGUST 19. 1987 WITH
ROBERT: , JOHN AND JONATHAN BACK IN LOS ANGELES going to have to let us say, being more bullish to overcome the obstacles that you are about encompassing at this time and the protection. Also, the Bull represents your desires, the desires of being having your own cow and calf. The Bull represents the symbol of your family. The Bull represents the head Of the family. The Bull represents the desire to get your life together! The desire to meet someone and settle down! The Cow represents the need of a relationship. The Cow represents the essences of your development. The Cow represents your feminine side! The Cow represents the need to be on feminine side! You have to remember you have your masculine side, and you have your feminine side! The symbol of having both of them together is the symbol of uniting yourself! The Calf, the Calf represents child energy! The part of you that needs, shall we say, the fun part of you! The lively part of you, the slayer part of you, it is the part of you that you try to express now! We put them all together and we represent the wholeness of oneself! The interconnection of oneself! The being with oneself, now if we put, my words I am getting tongue tied! My words whatever you want to call it! Let us say, putting the-umm the whole triangle together which contemplates the oneness of God! Contemplates the Third Eye of God! What we are seeing a development process; the oneness is there. The oneness is, let us say, becomes connected is whole where the symbolism is showing us the way! Showing us the desire of where to go! And what we are saying here is this symbolism is telling you that you are perceiving in the right direction. It is giving you a goal to accomplish also the cuffs on the bul. As you know the bull was very protective. The bull is protecting the oneness of the family! The oneness of God! The bull turned and wanted a confrontation which I would not have advised you to have done. As you would not have survived very well! Maybe you would have survived but in a little battered condition! And what I an saying here, the bull represents the strength, fortitude, shall we say, the protection, the courage, the ruddiness, the essences of your soul trying to achieve stuff. It has all the qualities, if you notice the bull by its physical transition represents a true masculine image, the muscles of strength, all this is encompassing, all this tells you your direction. What we are saying here, first of all we have completeness or the oneness. Then we have the masculine to protect this oneness and by doing this we are attempting to show you your direction, the power you need to go into this direction. We are not saying that you have to do this on your own. We are showing you the way and we are expecting you to follow that way. But we are providing the help to achieve that way. So, even though we take your ego to push it, you may not realize that we are helping you and you may credit everything to your own self, but we are in turn are helping you. So, what we are saying is the ego is pushing, the ego has he strength, the ego has the fortitude not only because of oneself, but with the help Of those talking how you really feel inside of yourself, and she felt you weren’t feeling enough! According to her standards. I am not going to decide that whether it was enough or not that is something that you have to work out yourself. hat is something for you to do yourself. But what I am saying here that you need this as not only you. She has the same problem, even though she is a woman that is easier to do but really you have to get in touch with your emotions. We are not taking about, shall we say, the readily available emotions. I mean like feeling sad about something and you are going to cry, that is not what we are talking about,
JONATHAN: ‘S JOURNALS SESSION ON AUGUST 19. 1987 WITH
ROBERT: , JOHN AND JONATHAN BACK IN LOS ANGELES we are talking about feelings, exactly how you feel out, breaking down barriers, saying this really hurts me. How do I feel about it! I don’t know if I feel that way! It hurts but does it really hurt. So my pride is a little tarnished a bit, big deal, or you may say this really gets to me, this really pisses me off! I am really hurt, I feel like I am five years Old, and I hurt, or you might want to say that I would like to have a good cry! I want to get it out of the way, or I want to yell! And get it out Of my system or direct it out of my system. There is a punch bag over there, I want get this aggression out of me! And you may want to do that! The whole point here is not what you do, it is dealing with yourself. Trying to get deep inside of yourself and finding what your situation is. And a lot of times you have to let us say eliminate some of the elements that sort of block your way, some of the debts and saying here, there is all this, shall we say, of obstacles that need to be removed. Now, we are saying to you, there are things, let me go back a bit. There are things that we know that we need to talk about, and we are saying how are we going to eliminate these Obstacles. And what we are saying to you, is we go back to the same stuff, remember we go back too self-knowing. First of all, you have to find out what your problems are. If you think that you are a very adverse person or say you are an adverse person and you don’t know that you are a very adverse person. The only way that you are going to find out that you are an adverse person is the input that you receive to make this determination. And how do you receive this from a external source, and the internal sources. Now we’ll not going to worry about the external stuff we are just going to worry about the internal stuff because if somebody told you that you were adverse you would say you are crazy. But then affair in a few minutes you would say I wonder if they were right. You would start looking at yourself and start examining yourself and trying to go through your processes of yourself and examining of what you are but you have a little bit of averse but not much. A little bit and you go in and say yeah! I see that I see that I am that way! Or we may be going through the process of causing a problem and that you have and say that this an obstacle for my life. I have to break down these barriers and I have to break down, shall we say all the debris that have been accumulated and sometimes you may pick stuff up and it doesn’t look substantial. But when you remove it, it may be substantial. What we are saying here is evaluate it as you evaluate everything. Don’t not evaluate! In other words, evaluate and don’t submiss stuff! What we are saying here is first of all we have to have self-knowledge of ourselves. The problem is where you say that we have this problem. The position is what are we going to do with this problem, we examine that problem and evaluate that problem. And 0k! we say this is my problem, this is my blockage, and you say how do I correct the blockage, and these are the steps that I choose to correct this problem! Now, you have to remember that sometimes you have obstacles within you, and they prevent that knowledge from coming about and these obstacles are fabricated by the Ego, or the socialization or another process that may be involved there and what we are saying to you that here is the processes can be eliminated through meditation, putting white light within your system. Find to reveal the barriers that are there and how do these barriers, how do we reveal them very easily by doing the meditation and sending white light through the system trying to reveal all these dark passages, they in turn will be responding to all parts of yourself whether it will be
JONATHAN: ‘S JOURNALS SESSION #19 ON AUGUST 19. 1987 WITH
ROBERT: , JOHN AND JONATHAN BACK IN LOS ANGELES an impression or a dream or what it evolves. Because it is a circle, the more work that you do down there, the more work will be up on the top. So, what happens is that we are shedding more and more light on your problem as you get enlightened. So, we go back to the same stuff as we were saying all along because it does work and you experience some areas in this aspect and has worked better and why do you think that you are having these dreams? This is work, right!
ROBERT: Because I don’t have cable TV!
JONATHAN: I’ll hook you up there! Then why do you experience these things and sometimes when you are supposed to be dealing with something and you don’t deal with it and it will come to you, it will force you to deal with the situation and it can be through external sources or internal sources. There is a lot of work that goes on in the dreams and a lot of stuff you don’t remember. But it is a place where a lot of your potential problems get worked out. And sometimes you may feel you don’t have any control of these situations, but you really do, and it is that you are not aware of it on a conscientious level how much control that you do have. So, what we are saying to you here is that there are ways to deal with your emotions now. I think that it is more practical especially if you are in a relationship that these things, shall we say, are exposed a little more when one is not in a relationship. Maybe, it would be a good idea to evaluate your past relationships and to look at those past relationships to see if it can tell you about yourself. I don’t want you to dwell on it and be saturated with the past. I think that you should utilize some of the lessons of the past. This is what I think, this is what belongs to me or if you feel that is too detrimental to you, you can actually have many relationships which I am sure that you would enjoy.
ROBERT: To experience the things of the present.
JONATHAN: It may be at this time to be more practical for you to look at the past. But I don’t want you to get involved with, shall we say, non-enlighten, you need to get involved with, shall We say, no n-enlighten beings. It sort of detours you from your experiences by which it is the process in which we are trying to accomplish.
ROBERT: I don’t think it is possible anymore to do that! or not for long! Well! There is one theme that emotionally came up again, came up with Cynthia again. It is related to the little child. I looked at the child today in the meditation, he got a little older and bigger. But it seems in the past, I let people, not physically but do what they wanted like I didn’t have the right to be angry, or I didn’t know or how to fight back or something. It is just that I think I am feeling empty, sad and vulnerable. I have been waiting for someone else to help me or protect me. I know that I have to do it! The whole area has been missing because it is like the whole area of expressing anger or something of being weird. When I did the meditation today I was thinking of a situation that I told John about the dance teacher, and it is clear that he was attracted to Cynthia and wanted to get together with her. And he, the teacher and I are supposed to be friends and so the more I think about it, the more angry that I get. But impression wise was that I pictured myself like a little kid and I surrounded the little kid with
JONATHAN: ‘S JOURNALS SESSION #19 ON AUGUST 19. 1987 WITH
ROBERT: , JOHN AND JONATHAN BACK IN LOS ANGELES protection, he grew up. I got a physical sensation when the kid grew like book one and I felt good.
JONATHAN: What is the whole thing?
ROBERT: It is about the emotion of anger and protecting myself and knowing myself and knowing when to be angry inside of letting people walk.
JONATHAN: What made, let’s talk about this. The thing that really makes you angry is your inability to ascertain the situation at this time. So, what are you talking about here as you grow up. What we are talking about here as you grow up, what we are talking about is retardation of energy which can happen because of pressures or because of influences during childhood. And you have to get over this, some people take longer than others because they are afraid of the unknown. What we are saying to you here as you see this child growing up within yourself and this is within yourself, now this is within yourself the emotional aspects of yourself have now maturated as they should have. And you are not alone in this area, there are many in this, but we will not get into that. But what we are saying here that the more you evaluate yourself and deal with yourself, the more you see yourself, the more you shed light on yourself. You are going to be exposing many, many elements within yourself. As you do this, you have been unaware of the many parts of yourself that need attention. And in your case this is one of the primary ones the emotional parts of yourself and what we are saying here is that you have to deal with the situation. What you have done in the past is that you have not dealt with the situation. You have ignored it or you have let things go and let things ride and what you have to d is ride by getting in touch with yourself in the moment the situation rises and deal with the ramification of the situation and put energy there and the situation wouldn’t occur! The situation occurred because you wanted it to occur! Let us go back to the ramification of this person that was doing it and Cynthia! It occurred because you wanted it to occur not but deep down you wanted it to occur, you wanted to slap yourself. Because, let’s talk about this! You see that you’re attracting that energy. You are caught by your own insecurity! We are not saying that the person didn’t cooperate with you, but that person did cooperate with you, giving the material for the situation to occur. But deep down if this person wasn’t available and cooperate, some other person would cooperate. So, what we are saying here is that you needed the confrontation, you were unwilling to have the confrontation. What we are saying to you is that you are attracted by your own energy. You attract this stuff! You create this stuff! You create the situation! So, let us go back to this whole point here! Before one gets angry dealing with other people. One has to get angry with oneself! One has to see if you are creating the situation, you can! What you should have done with the Cynthia confrontation is drew the love which you didn’t do! First of all, let us describe two elements here! The first element is on the material level; you didn’t deal with the situation! You should have called this person aside; I think it is very inappropriate to do this. That is dealing with it. But that isn’t the solution, that isn’t going to cure your problem!
JONATHAN: ‘S JOURNALS SESSION #19 ON AUGUST 19. 1987 WITH
ROBERT: , JOHN AND JONATHAN BACK IN LOS ANGELES Because if you were more secure inside you would not generate that energy for that to happen! So, the problem is within you! So, the problem is within you! So even though you don’t deal with the external, but deal with the internal which is more important! So, what we are saying here is what you have to do is go down inside yourself and prevent that insecurity from servicing. Dealing with iot and becoming more secure, developing that little child and bring him up a few years. So, you have that security within you so that you don’t have that feeling that needs the protection. A child that doesn’t need the protection shield should be able to protect itself and does this by growing up! As you grow up within yourself and you will not attract the insecurity! You will not attract the situation when you are to deal with it because you are creating it!! And the more positive energy that you put inside yourself, the less negativity you are going to have and so I think it will be useless to vet one’s frustrations on while you maintain this child kingdom within you. You have to remove that; you have to deal with the stuff inside of yourself. You need to bring the light and bring that security that you need inside of yourself. You have to be more open to oneself, you have to love oneself more, you have to get rid Of this childhood paraphernalia. This is what we are talking about!
ROBERT: I can really feel it in there! It is a real powerful ding-a-ling going on!
JONATHAN: It hurts us all the time! We all have that! It is something that we have to deal with!
ROBERT: I was even facilitating with the situation, even acknowledging that it wasn’t appropriate! He was a jerk to have done that! And I have to confess to myself that he really did that! And that was wrong!
JONATHAN: You created it and he is cooperating with your creation. It was beneficial to both of you. And he got his problems worked out too! And wheater he knew it or not he was manifesting your desire. You desired tohave the confrontation, that situation that developed you got you to engage in a emotional area and also gave him on!
ROBERT: What is it that he was working on!
JONATHAN: I don’t think it is appropriate!
ROBERT: I kind of know anyway and I am going to straighten it out externally, anyway!
JONATHAN: I think that the idea you should voice your concern about the situation. Now he has problems too! And he has to deal with them himself on his own insecurities as well. And what we are saying here, since he is not here, I don’t think it is appropriate to address his personal stuff! And anybody else and what I am saying that you have two individuals that have a situation in which they are dealing with their own emotional problems, and these are servicing so that they are both cooperating with you, and he is cooperating with you. And you both are feeding into the energy creating the situation. I think that you are right on an external level that you need to address it and don’t leave it there and in other words say that I have an experience on an external level and you have to go internally, because that is the cause of it. If you have a fever that is causing the disease, you don’t just treat the temperature, you find out what the disease is! It is the same here!
JONATHAN: ‘S JOURNALS SESSION #19 ON AUGUST 19. 1987 WITH
ROBERT: , JOHN AND JONATHAN BACK IN LOS ANGELES
ROBERT: That one is so dear with me!
JONATHAN: And from the situation emotionally you were so concerned about that you invented it several times. You were concerned about the situation and it sort of hard in your inners, but the main thing is your anger at that which you haven’t recognized. You are angry with yourself! You are angry with yourself more than you are with him. You are really pissed off at yourself!
ROBERT: I never thought of it that way! Which me is pissed off at which me?
JONATHAN: Don’t try –even though you have separate parts deep down, you were so angry expressing which is just a manifestation of your maternal side! And what we are saying here is that you are angry at yourself because of the appropriate thing. So, you are blaming this person for being a jerk, but you are blaming yourself for being a jerk. You are probably blaming yourself for being a jerk more than you are blaming this guy for being a jerk! And the reason why you are blaming yourself because this little boy says that really he finds himself in this situation because you really caused the situation. I am so dumb to cause the situation. I am not willing to do anything about it! This is the working part of you to say that this is the situation that I don’t address it. I have to address the situation and will try not to get in this situation again. I have to try not to generate this energy to produce this situation. 0k! So, it is all an internal thing and let us say that your self-center generates the activity and this is all planned and it is giving you problems to solve them and obstacles to overcome and every time you go through something, thee are necessary for your development. He center is not just standing there like you watch TV it watches, and it says I gave you that problem, let’s see how you handle that! You jerk you didn’t handle it right! Because you don’t solve the problem the center is going to direct this problem in some other form. So, that is when you have a situation in which you have a problem, try to solve the problem! This is all the same is to solve that problem! Your lights don’t go on anymore, do they?
ROBERT: Yeah! It is related to your responsibility area! This one is particular the big one for me!
JONATHAN: It is all the red energy, there!
ROBERT: HA! HA! I am going to manifest!
JONATHAN: You have to direct it! You ae scattering your anger. In other words, it is influencing a lot of your behaver is what this is doing! You haven’t really dealt with the situation, not even on the external level! You haven’t so don’t deal with on the external level but on the internal level. You know in the meantime that the external level may not be necessary! One thing for your internal stuff but for your own relationship that I think that you would want to deal with the external level. And It would be beneficial to both parties concerned. And I think that he desires to solve the problem also. I think that it would be best if you just discuss it! Say, in a gentleman fashion with no violence, please!
JONATHAN: ‘S JOURNALS SESSION ON AUGUST 19. 1987 WITH
ROBERT: , JOHN AND JONATHAN BACK IN LOS ANGELES
ROBERT: 0k! on the last session you mentioned about my expectation of myself and my image or my perception of myself, the context was my seminars. And I guess that I am going to ask you more about that and a slight bit of introspection on that you have expectations of being, I am talking about Stress and vitality and I have images of being very suave and cool, almost no room for error and have the money thing settled and it is almost like that I should have things now! Being in development and my own perception of myself that is I don’t have any idea and it goes back and forth wildly.
JONATHAN: Perception oneself? Let us say this, let us do some definitions first! All right! Let us say we’re talking about expectations, what you desire, we are talking about the superlative of what you desire. As you say Mr. Swave, you want to be the Number One Honcho, the top gun, the man on top, you want to be the best that there is and you want it now! You want it in three easy steps! One, Two, Three! No questions asked, this is what you expect! Now let us define what is perception? How do you perceive yourself to be! Not your expectations, this is self-perception. You may have expectations of being top Honcho! But you may perceive yourself as a little boy! Which means he insecurity isn’t there. And what happens to you when you put these two things together, you have a conflict! And with this you try to be something that you are not! You haven’t delt with the problems to solve it because you don’t want to be. All right! You expect yourself to be this top gun! You can’t be this top gun because you are afraid, you are insecure about this situation! We are going back to the same stuff that we delt with before. The same thing is surfing again! Sometimes you present or encourage, you go into a conversation with this doctor, you are trying to, present yourself as being Mr. Swalve, as being Top Gun of your field and what you are doing, you are trying to present yourself in the same manner, and as a token, you are a little hesitate, you are a little afraid, you are a little insecure!